Old age crisis

We’ve all heard of midlife crises and cringe at men, and women, who, turning 50, buy a sports car or date a young wan. But what do you do when the mid life crisis spreads into old age?

Socialising in a city centre pub a couple of weeks ago, my friend and I were approached by a man approaching his 60s.

“Can I just say, I was noticing you from across the bar and you have a very refined look about you,” the man said to my 20-something friend.

“You have a lovely, ladylike look about you,” he added, “May I ask you your name?”

Not to be rude, my friend assented and the two engaged in some small talk, while I looked on, keeping an eye out for a much-coveted seat at the bar to become free.

“I’ve decided that this year is the year I’ll settle down and get married,” the man said to my friend with a smile.

“Time for you,” said she declining to read between the lines. “Do you mind me asking how old you are?”

“I’ll be sixty shortly,” he said proudly. “And I’ve a farm of land!” We both gave an involuntary chuckle.

Just then a seat at the bar became available. I promptly excused myself from the ‘lovebirds’, feeling the daggers of my friend’s eyes on the back of my neck, and laid claim. Shortly afterward my friend joined me.

“Sorry,” I said, “I had to nab the seats.”

“Oh my God,” said my friend. “He actually thought…” but before she had a chance to finish her sentence the man appeared again. This time his comments, and his bile, were directed at me.

“Can I just say, you are the rudest, most ignorant person I have ever met,” he said. “For you to tear two people apart...I think you look lovely on your own and I think you’ll look lovely alone for the rest of your life!”

Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve been approached by men who should be at home watching The Late Late rather than chasing young(ish) ones in city centre bars.

Not so long ago, I got talking to another, more mature, man in a city centre bar. As the drinks flowed, the guy started to become quite rude and started knocking me and my profession.

Finally, as the bar closed, he turned to me and said, “So are we going to go **** or what?”

Certain I had misheard him, I said, “What did you say to me?”

“Oh, don’t be so vain,” he said, “I already asked your friend!”

So, next time you take a seat in a pub next to a non-threatening looking grandfather type, think again.

The mid life crisis was so last year; this year it’s all about the old age crisis!