Wedding ahoy!

Well, Christy Moore reckons that life is an ocean and love is a boat. Having paddled her tiny canoe for years, my friend is about to jump into a bigger boat by getting married.

Quite brave really, for a girl that can’t swim!

Having planned and executed the entire wedding herself over the last year, Patricia had remained calm and collected. She didn’t diet. She didn’t scream down the phone at her wedding band when they called to say they would be late. She didn’t roar abuse at the priest for double booking the church and she didn’t even have a bad word for the florists, who accidentally forgot to record her booking into their system, as she discovered when she called them a week before the big day.

She also managed to save a tiny fortune through DIY wedding parties. Invitations and wedding booklets just needed some imagination, patience and hours of folding.

The trouble now is in getting from her tiny canoe, across that final plank, to the bigger boat. That’s pretty much what marriage feels like for her – the plank, and she’s walking it this week.

But how accurate are Christy Moore’s lyrics, really? “In troubled water, it keeps us afloat” – unless you’re cruising on some doomed ship like the Titanic. Who needs a boat? Some folks are happy to float on life’s ocean on a piece of driftwood. Some don’t even bother – some stay on the island of hopelessness.

Still other mates are more like toothless beachcombers, loafing around from port to port.

And what about life’s pirates, eh? No sea is safe from these scallywags – and sea monsters (mother-in-laws), Nessy, Kraken or Giant Squid? The journey of the heart sounds more like the adventures of Sinbad the Sailor!

Two friends called to Patricia this week too, to make matters worse. The couple’s marriage could only be described as being like the Flying Dutchman. The phantom vessel is only seen in stormy weather. The slightest sniff of drama, and there they are to soak up every satisfying piece of it.

And what about life’s Marie Celestes – those ships had had set sail with every great intention, only to be abandoned. Toast still warm, coffee still in the pot and not a sign of the crew.

Well, Patricia’s unexplained mysteries of the deep were no longer mysterious this week.

While this wedding ship is firmly anchored, I could swear I spotted a little water seeping into it this week.

A hug, Kleenex and plenty of back rubbing later, the leak has been mended. They even bought a compass in Lidl to help them steer in the right direction.

Ironically, the happy couple will depart the Rebel County for Spain, where they will honeymoon on the ultimate Love Boat, a week long cruise through the Mediterranean.

I guess that’s like their own little Bermuda Triangle - they can get lost for a week or two. She has packed her armbands, her flippers and swimming goggles but also heaps of trust in hubby’s swimming abilty - her own lifebuoy.