Parents often ‘put up’ with domestic abuse

Domestic abuse inflicted upon a parent by a son or a daughter often goes unreported on Leeside.

That’s according to Ann O’Mahony, coordinator of domestic violence support service Mná Feasa, who says mothers find it much more difficult to report or take legal action against their child.

“It's much harder to bar a son or a daughter, especially if they're in their teenage years. It's easier to get a safety order against your husband or your partner than it is for your son or daughter because they very often haven't anywhere to go and the mother instinct kicks in and you say, 'look, I'll put up with it',” Ms O’Mahony told the Cork Independent.

Mná Feasa, which offers a helpline, support groups and court accompaniment to victims of domestic violence, has been extremely busy in recent months.

Ms O’Mahony said the pandemic and subsequent lockdowns have put huge pressure on families and their mental health and as restrictions ease, more and more people are coming forward.

She said: “If there had been any cracks in any relationships, it has been exacerbated by the pandemic because people have less distractions and people are stuck in houses.”

She also highlighted that it was often very difficult for some victims to call a helpline during lockdown due to the house always being full of people.

Mná Feasa, a project run by Cork Anti Poverty Resource Network (CAPRN), was forced to stop all services apart from its helpline for much of the past two years. However, all services are up and running again.

Ms O’Mahony said the service is now desperately trying to deal with a backlog of safety, protection and barring orders as a result of the courts being closed for some time due to Covid-19.

She said court can be a stressful experience for victims of domestic abuse who must often face their abuser in the courtroom.

“A lot of them are very nervous going in. They’ll also be and put on the stand and questioned. We meet them beforehand for a cup of coffee and talk about what they need in the court and how they’re going to focus themselves.

“Then, when they come out, we go for another coffee with them and say, ‘Right, what are you going to do when you go home now?’,”

She also pointed out that, after taking the initial legal action, many women have no choice but to live with their abusive partners for up to four months before a court date is set.

“Often, a protection order could be delivered to the house and that might mean the partners live in that same house for maybe three or four months waiting on a court date. It puts it in a different arena altogether,” said Ms O’Mahony.

She added: “There have been 236 women killed since 1996 by someone they know. Very often, women have been murdered when they’ve gone to a solicitor or when they’re about to go.”

Women Supporting Women

Another project run by CAPRN is Women Supporting Women, a mentoring programme aimed specifically at women parenting alone in Cork.

The project sees volunteer mothers engage in one-on-one mentoring with single mothers, providing them with company, support, feedback and advice.

According to Women Supporting Women coordinator Catherine O’Brien, isolation, money and relationships are the top fears for single mothers today.

“The feedback from a lot of women would be that they lack support from extended family, so the mentor becomes like a surrogate mother to them in some cases. The mentors pass on their own experience and knowledge as mothers because the criteria to become a mentor is that you have to have reared a family yourself,” said Ms O’Brien.

The project, which has been running for over ten years, was started on the back of research with found that one in four homes in Knocknaheeny were occupied by single mothers.

“All the mentors are working on a voluntary basis. It’s an equal relationship between the mentor and the mentee. The mentor is not keeping any files on the mentee, she’s not a social worker, she’s there to support the lone mother and signpost her to different organisations if needs be,” said Ms O’Brien.

Mná Feasa’s helpline hours are Monday to Friday 10am-4pm on 021-4211757. Appointments can be made to meet women individually if requested. Support groups are held every Tuesday night from 7-9pm and Thursday mornings from 10am-12 noon. These sessions are facilitated by trained group workers.

For more information on Mná Feasa and Women Supporting Women, visit caprn.ie.