If you’re dating, you need to be dumping

By Katherine Grey

If you are hoping to find someone to fall in love with and have a wonderful relationship with, then something that will help you massively is to dump your criteria of what you’re looking for!

This might seem ridiculous but hear me out.

We all have a list of qualities we are looking for in another person. But finding a lifetime partner is all about finding someone with the right character.

I had a boyfriend who perfectly fitted my criteria. He had a Christian background, and he came to church with me (tick). My friends liked him (tick), he was under 40 (tick), single (tick), had no children (tick), was very sporty (tick). We shared so many interests.

Over time, I discovered his true character. He was insecure, jealous and had a violent streak that led to him throwing me across a room! He was also a cheat, liar and unfaithful. He had perfectly matched my criteria, but didn’t have the character to be the right man for me.

How I ended up with my husband is a long story, but apart from being a Christian he has none of the priorities on my list and yet he has the most amazing character.

He is not perfect but just what I needed. His character makes him kind, generous, thoughtful and loving.

Let’s take a look at your list again and why it is so important to dump it.

When you have a list – let’s take ‘shared interests’, you actively search out people who have those shared interests. People without those criteria just don’t get a look in!

Just because people don’t fit what you think you need, doesn’t mean they are not worth considering. They absolutely are - but you will only be able to consider them if you dump your criteria.

By being open to getting to know everyone who comes across your path, you will open yourself up to a much greater number of possible dating opportunities. And that’s the really important bit.

Give everyone a chance to let their true character reveal themselves to you. Get to know as many ‘suitors’ as you can – without your criteria making a judgement at the early stages of your getting to know them, and if you can do this I promise you that you’ll discover that there are far more Mr or Miss rights out there than think.

This article was written by a relationship expert and dating coach from Heavenly Partners – Ireland’s foremost introduction agency for Christians. For more, see Heavenlypartners.ie or call 021-2669226.