‘This diagnosis doesn’t define me’

By Marguerite Kiely

About one in 50 people in Ireland live with bipolar disorder, a serious mental illness that is characterised by extreme mood swings. Holly Fehily, originally from Carrigaline, but now living in the city, is one of those people and she is helping to shine a light on it.

“There are 40 million people worldwide living with bipolar disorder, it’s more common than people think,” she said.

“Bipolar is different for everyone who is diagnosed and no two people have the same experience. But personally, I get episodes of hypomania (periods of over-active and high-energy behaviour) which typically last a couple of days.”

“The other side of bipolar is that there are periods of depression which last a bit longer. During that time my anxiety levels are high and a simple daily task can be impossible to achieve.”

The 29 year old says she started experiencing mental difficulties when she was quite young.

“For a long time, I thought I was living with a general anxiety disorder. But I knew that there was something more to it than that.”

The breaking point came in 2018.

“I couldn’t cope with my anxiety levels anymore,” she said.

Soon after Holly went to see a psychiatrist, and in August 2019 she was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

“I was terrified when I got the diagnosis, it was something that I couldn’t accept. Although there was a small part of me that felt relief that I finally had an answer, I also felt ashamed that I was a letdown to those close to me,” she added.

“I didn’t really know where to go. I had a fantastic GP, psychiatrist and a councillor I had been with since I was 15, but I felt that wasn’t what I was looking for. By doing my own research I found Shine, an organisation that supports people affected by mental ill health. It finally felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.”

“Once a week I’d meet with a support worker for sessions. I was educated about what bipolar was and learned to recognise what would trigger my symptoms. I started believing in myself again and things started to change,” said Holly.

These days Holly is in a much better place and says that a combination of therapy and medication keeps her well. She is also an ambassador for See Change, a national programme dedicated to ending mental health discrimination.

She explained that there is work to be done when it comes to tackling the stigma around bipolar disorder. “It can affect anybody and it doesn’t matter what path in life you take, it doesn’t discriminate,” she added.

Holly believes that the language around mental health also needs to change: “A person might say about me ‘She is bipolar’ but that solely identifies me as my diagnosis. Although I’m living with it, bipolar disorder doesn’t define me as a person.”

For anyone that has been diagnosed, Holly said that it is important that they know that they are not alone.

“You are not just a diagnosis, you’re still you. There’s support out there to help. And remember the worst day in recovery, however difficult it is, is better than the very best day of living with an illness,” concluded Holly.

See Change is Ireland’s national programme dedicated to ending mental health stigma and discrimination.

Visit Seechange.ie and Aware.ie for more information.