Practically perfect in every way
It’s not easy being perfect. Look at Hermione Grainger in the Harry Potter books and films. Poor Hermione, essentially, is perfect — talented, intelligent, hard-working, a loyal friend, a talented wizard.
Yet she is shunted, unceremoniously, to the side by that glory-hog, Harry. #MeToo should have started with Hermione, if you ask me.
Does that make the BMW 3 Series Touring the Hermione of the car world? It kind of does, yeah.
How so? Because this is a car that puts barely a foot wrong in any performance metric, yet which will be routinely shunned because, sitting across the showroom, is a similarly-priced SUV to which the crowds will, lemming-like, flock.
Is it a perfect car? Well, it’s ever-dangerous to flirt with the word ‘perfect’ (philosophically an unattainable concept ) when discussing any car, no matter how good it might be. But, yeah, pretty much — taking all things into account and accepting the current car market for what it is, rather than what it could be, the 3 Series, especially the Touring, gets arguably closer to perfection than any other.
How does it do that? Well, having the BMW badge, all on its own, gets things off to a good start.
After all, with the original 3 Series, BMW was the first premium car maker to really try and bring its products to a more affordable (relatively speaking) market. To bring those buyers who were at the top end of the Cortina market into the luxury German fold. It’s a process that has led us to today — where everything has to be premium just to survive.
It’s also a Touring, which means it’s an estate, and yes I know that means that many of you will dismiss it out of hand, hidebound by some old-school memory that estates are only used by commercial travellers.
Well, get over yourself. You know that versatility and practicality that you’re always looking for in an SUV? You’ll find it here, in an estate, at a lower price, and with lower running costs. Seriously.
The 3 Touring’s boot is a very healthy 500 litres, which expands to 1,510 litres if you fold down the back seats and load it to the roof. There’s also a standard-fit electric tailgate, and — best of all, and a 3 Series Touring tradition stretching back to the 1980s — the rear window opens separately, so you can just flip that up to throw small items into the boot. Love that, and can’t understand why more car makers don’t offer the same.
Up front, you’ll find a diesel engine. It’s BMW’s 2.0 litre ‘20d’ unit, with 190hp and 400Nm of torque. It is quiet, it is exceptionally punchy, and it’ll return an easy 50mpg all day long.
Are you reluctant to buy a diesel? Well, I can understand that, given all the bad publicity about diesel engines of late, and yes, we are moving steadily towards an electric future. However, that future is not here quite yet, and for many of us (those with regular long journeys to make, especially) diesel still makes a lot of sense.
Certainly, it’s far more economical than any petrol alternative, and it’s also far better when it comes to emissions of CO2 — carbon dioxide, the primary driver of climate change.
Worried about the nasty pollutive effects of NOX, nitrogen dioxide, which has been at the centre of the diesel debate since 2015?
Don’t be — recent independent tests by Germany’s equivalent of the AA, ADAC, found that the BMW 520d (which uses the same engine) had real-world driving NOX emissions of 1mg/km. The legal limit, mandated by the EU, is 80mg/km.
Even on the strictest WLTP emissions and fuel economy test, the 320d Touring does pretty good, scoring a 121g/km CO2 emissions rating, which means it’ll cost €270 a year to tax. If you’re still not sure, just be patient — BMW will launch its 330e plugin-hybrid in Touring form later this year.
Here’s the thing, though. The 3 Touring is practical, it’s economical, it’s roomy, it’s beautifully made, and has a gorgeous cabin.
But it’s also fun. Remember when driving was fun? Well, it still is, at least if you’re driving one of these. The steering bursts with feel and communication from the front wheels, and the chassis has the sort of deft handling setup that can, surely, only be achieved by a company with such a deep grounding in motor racing.
If there is a flaw in the 320d’s makeup, it’s that on poor roads, the firm suspension is inclined to fidget in an annoying manner, but holding back from going for the largest alloy wheel option will dial a good deal of that out.
The price tag? As tested, the 320d Touring M-Sport we drove cost €59,634 which is a hefty chunk of money, right enough. Then again, you’d have to buy two or three other cars to match the varied abilities of this singular one, especially if you wanted to get something with this sort of driver involvement.
Perfect, then? As close as we’re going to get, I suspect…